Venturing Into the World of BuBu

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Crap!

Crap....I forgot bout my blog....haven't updated in the longest time.....heloo any readers still out there? Should I just delete the blog perhaps?

Helloo??

Helooo???

Crap.....

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Stagnant

Something seems amiss in my life now. But can't quite tell what it is.....things in my life now doesn't seem wrong but yet doesn't seem right. I'm not happy but am not sad. I want to move forward and I want to go back to the past. I want to be single but I want to be in a relationship. I want to go out but I want to be alone. I want to work and I want to bum around. I want to laugh and I want to cry. What's wrong with me? Maybe I want some drama in life....?

Friday, July 31, 2009

It's August!

Shit you know what?? It's august already....and the job hunt has had no progress.

Been a bit busy lately...I keep going out and spending money O_o buying formal clothes...eating etc....and this week I've been working mornings and after work go out til night.

Yes....so maybe I think I have been slacking in the job hunt. I think there's this part of me that just wants to take it slow and be able to enjoy for awhile before taking on job hunting as a 'job' on its own. Its just that sometimes I force myself to look online for work because of pressures felt from all corners...

For starters...well Sbux pays me shit....I just got my pay yesterday and I earned Rm385...to survive with that kinda pay is sucks because you know what...I like to buy stuff and sometimes I mean branded stuff. And I like to go out and have drinks (no I don't necessarily mean alcohol) but I mean go out with friends, eat something nice once in awhile and basically lepak la. So with shitty pay from Sbux like that...most of the times we end up in mamaks and window shopping...so sad. I want to be able to earn a decent amount of salary and not hesitate to eat steak at some nice restaurant instead of looking at the cheapest meal they have. And not hesitate to buy a nice top when I finally am able to find something that fits me.

And then of course there's my dad still paying for my expenses while am still at Kl after graduating. Somehow I know my dad of course will still pay while I am unemployed but I have an ego too you know...I can't leech of my dad forever. Am 24 this year....I gotta cut my dad some slack. He's not young anymore and been working his whole life. He needs to stop worrying about his daughters being unable to support themselves. So yes...I need earn more money than what Sbux can pay me....

And then finally there's the pressure from the outside world...from people around who constantly ask....still studying? And I wil reply 'No'....and then the conversation goes on to what my plans are...which I will say I will work first. and then to what kinda work u wanna do....blah blah blah all the way to.....so u started applying.....and people give you a kinda look (which they probably do it unconsciously) when u say u haven been called for any interview or only slowly looking for work. As though the look sends of the msg -- ok....graduate d still using parents' money...or she's probably not trying her hardest--- that kinda insinuations. And yes I do not like it. hence the pressure to find a good job.

And top it all off....I am being selective and picky still bout the type of companies I would wanna work for. Many have told me...its not really my choice but more like what's available so I shouldnt be picky. but hey its been less than a month....I think still can be picky for awhile right??? Sometimes people forget bout the times they themselves looked for work...I mean....honestly...I am psychology graduate....I wouldn't wanna work in some furniture company or cleaning appliances company right??? Let me be picky until I myself realize no 1 wants to hire me ok.....

Gah shoot me...stupid job hunt....stupid august......stupid sbux....stupid desire for money....STUPID STUPID STUPID.....STUPID whatever....

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Bring it on!

Today was my official last day of class in HELP...in 2 weeks I will finally have graduated and finished my degree. 4 years in HELP and so many people I have met...so many things have happened....sob stories, happy stories, bad group members, wacky group members, love life, breakup life, mat rempit chase, drinking sessions, taking up work, work stories, trips, mountain climbing....aaah the list goes on....

I feel like a chapter in my life is about to come to an end only to start a new one right after. And trust me I don't handle transitions in life too well O_o the last time I experienced a life transition, I went into depression for nearly 2 years.....but somehow I believe this time things will be different. I've learnt to handle crap in life better. I've learnt and still am learning to look at life with more optimism instead of dread. I've learned to socialize with people and relate to others better. I've learnt to care for others and be good to people so that they will treat me the same as well. I've managed to practice in my life to never do unto others what I don't want others to do unto me. I've learnt to handle stress and anxiety better. And most of all, I am slowly but steadily I assure you to believe in myself more.

Hence, although the transition in my life now has brought about a lot of worry and anxiety (and severe kan cheong-ness til the point I am not studying but worrying bout finding a job, reading up books on interviews and buying formal clothes for work O_o ), I am not going to fear it like the last time I had a life transition. I am not going to fill my head with stupid doubts and fear of failure like how I did last time. I am going to like Nike....just do it. Just do things instead of thinking about them til their never done. And most of all I am going to learn how to present myself to others and sell myself too to get a job.....and at the same time I am going to have to force myself to learn to take constructive criticism and just plain ol criticism as well in life.

The world is a harsh place to live in but bring it on I'll handle your shit!!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Passion

Today I went to 1utama with Pearly and another friend to conduct an interview with a youth group called M-Yo or Malaysian Yoyo club. It was for our youth class assignment. Best part is they had a performance in 1utama itself and we got to see some amazing yoyo tricks. I never knew one could do so many things with the yoyo O_O

One thing that struck me throughout the whole day was how dedicated and passionate the players and members of the group were about playing yoyo. It wasn't just a toy or some hobby for them...some of them have been playing for over 10 years and some even play it for a living. And what amazes me was their passion for what they do. Despite how others may see it as a child's game or that it's not something stable or there's no 'future' in it konon....they all still love what they do and do not really give a damn about what the world has to say about them.

I found this trait or characteristic in them truly admirable. Its a trait I don't have in myself. Or perhaps I do but just do not know what is it I should be passionate bout....for all my life I have wondered what is it that I would be able to be so passionate about. I have yet to find something that I truly enjoyed doing...that I would be willing to sacrifice my time and money to do just because I love it. And at times I feel kinda sad when I see others who know what they want to do in life and have a sense of purpose in their lives. In fact not only sad....envious as well. Envious to be able to see the joy in their faces as they do something their so passionate about.

So there you go....another confession from me....what is the fire in me that would keep on burning no matter what??

Oh well on the plus side though....highlight of my day -- one of the members was so cute (at least for me la...) and it was fun being able to wash my eyes the whole time hehe =p

Did you know a friend labeled me the other day? She called me the girl who openly fat hou (naik miang/eh the english equivalent i am not so sure.....think its horny....but still that sounds so wrong....nvm....). She said I am so open bout how I like to look at cute guys and analyze them and how I even admit I like to look at them. Of course me being me and not wanting to be labeled I refused to acknowledge that statement....but after today and self reflection on how I kept secretly staring/looking at the guy....I accept that label.

Yes I do openly crave to look at cute guys muahahahaaa! So what....I am single =p

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Shit thrown at us

I just came back from yum cha-ing with a colleague. I could tell she was a little depressed what with all her family problems, her boyfriend's problems and added on to that her friends in college have isolated her as well nowadays. Its so sad to see people unhappy. To see tears welling up in their eyes and yet their still trying to smile as if to convince themselves that their fine when in actual fact their not.

I guess that's the thing with us humans. We smile and convince others we are alright when they ask us what is wrong and in between those fake smiles, we try and convince ourselves that we are alright as well. Plain truth is most of the time when we are feeling lousy, we're not alright...which is exactly the reason we seek others out. But humans being humans are always compelled not to trouble with their problems. And we speak shallow surface stuff when all we really want is someone to talk to and pour our heart soul out.

The world is such a cynical place to live in. Fate throws us the funniest things sometimes and the challenges 'god' supposedly throws at us that some people say are meant to test us, just makes us question what it's intentions are in the first place when it chooses to place people in such misery.

The world is such a strange place. We try so hard at life and life continually throws shit at some of us. And then we wonder is would there be a time when we could be shit free? I guess if that time comes then we're not living anymore are we...